3 October 2009

Just another "checking in to let you know I'm alive" post. Nothing new or special is going on right now so yea... goober.

Update: 15 August 2009

Just dropping in to say hello. Things are fine. Doing alright in online school so... yea. Things are fine here.

And you?

This is just to let people know I'm alive and well.

I wonder... does anyone even READ this blog anymore? Teehee. :)

Kaesse1 [feat SPAMone] Ich kann dich sehen

This is "Ich kann dich sehen" by Kaese1 featuring SPAMone. It's an emotional pretty song that I get this big bang out of listening to because it's just that fucking awesome.

Lyrics can be found here.

This is the video if the embedded one does not work.

Okay that's it. Ooh and look at the poem I posted in my other blog, please? Thankees much! :d

PS--It's in German. All of it. I can only speak a little German so translations are out of the question.

Rant [3 July 2009]

Okay. The following is a rant. Don't like rants? Don't harass me about it.

In the meantime, you can still check out Waves. I'm working on a short story for that so you should always look for those (if I'm not horrifically busy over this time period).

Thanks.

***

Okay. I don't really much care who reads this because it's the world wide web, but I have an immense problem with people reading my stuff I don't want to read it--like my parents and the like. Hypocritical, I know.

Sidetracked: Back on course?

Okay, so here's what I think about most people on Skype (NOT my friends there). The people who add me either want one or a combination of four things: Sex, friendship, cam, multiple pictures of me. Not in that order. I've found that it's usually a combination, others may say differently. Are there kind, genuine people on Skype? Yes. Those people are my friends and they know who they are. But, in my experience, it's only a small percentage. Like, say I've gotten 150 requests (I have a feeling it is much less than that) to be my friend. Out of those 150 requests, say 50 don't bother adding me for their own personal reasons (I'm not complaining about that. What kind of a moron would I be?). So you have 100 people left, right? Okay. 100 people. I would say that maybe between 90 and 95 people want a combination of the above things (Sex, friendship, cam, multiple pictures) What do the remaining 5 to 10 want? Friendship. (And I know this is a shit analogy). Do you see my point? Am I saying that the people who just want friendship don't want cam? It might sound like it, but I don't mean to come across that way. Is seeing another person's face a good thing? Certainly. Do you have to like it? No. I specify in my profile that I don't add anyone older than 38 (my mom's age) and that cam and voice chat are on a case by case basis.

What the fuck does that mean?

Means that I talk to you, I like you, I add you--despite the enforcements I have up.

Do I have people older than my parents on my friends list on Skype? Not that I know of (because who knows with the web?) Why? Because that's just creepy! (In MY opinion) I mean, I guess some people like that, but I don't really. And really...if I got a guy older than my parents asking me to be my friend on Skype, I'd follow the above guidelines. If all they want is sex (like most people I have come across want. Most, not all.), then when I find this out I block them. I've actually had one guy come to me (online of course) complaining about his girlfriend and how he (from what I understood) wanted someone to get him off. So he chose me. Why? I guess I had sex appeal or something like that.

I find it a bit surprising to be honest that people think I'm attractive (Hi there Miss Low Self-Esteem). I don't think so but hey, you think what you want. That's fine by me. It's like, I have a profile on Skype. Do people read it? Sure--that small percentage read it. What do the remaining do? Jump right in and start IMing and calling (my signature says text before you call. I don't answer calls from people I don't know.). Or they'll call first and then IM. Or people will actually take the time to READ my profile and signature & go something like "Okay...maybe she wants this." and go from there. You know?

I'm fed up with people wanting me to participate in conversation that is win-lose (They win, I lose). Like, I don't mind sexual jokes I guess but when it's like let's have cybersex or something to that effect. It's like NO FUCK OFF, you know? It's tedious.

But what does this lead up to?

Tonight.

I was talking with an acquaintance on Skype & he (I'm pretty sure it said "Male" on his profile sheet) wanted to do cam. I'm sitting in my room, in the dark (because I like that) and instead of telling him no (which, looking at the message he sent to me from another account of his, would have led to an argument), I blocked him. He'd asked a few times already and I was feeling kind of fed up (is that all almost anyone on Skype wants???, I always think when the question of the cam comes up, and it almost always does). I blocked him but then he goes and makes a whole new account, saying he's going to block me. Personally? I think he was having some sort of complex and wanted to be the one on top. I don't care about your petty little complexes and the need to block back. You're blocked. Shut up & get a life.

Spiting me is hard sometimes. Here's what I personally can't stand, like pet peeves?:

• The "holier-than-thou"
• The supercilious (I love that word!)
• Those who want to be on top all the time (that what this person sounded like)
• People who get whiny and shit when things don't go their way (see above)
• Cowards (There's a blog from last year on this subject)
• When people ask me for sex...cybersex. No, ew. Tried it, didn't like it. I don't talk about that. You will never find a blog about that by me unless it's about the horrors of it.

But yea. This whole blog is about me being pissed about what happens on Skype from my experience. I've had good experiences, I've made good friends (they, once again, know who they are :) ). I'm just talking about the bad I think happens & my experiences. You don't have to agree, you don't have to disagree. You don't have to like this at all, so don't complain.

Disagree? Can you NOT bite my head off? Tell me your opinion(s).

New Blog Thingie

This blog will still be continued.

You can find my poetry and stories on my new blog, Waves.

You need the address. Oh right. Here. Clicking this link will take you right there. If clicking the link does not work (It should.) You can copy & paste the address into your browser's address bar:

http://www.thewavesonarollercoaster.blogspot.com/

If that doesn't work, someone help you. Run a Google search, I suppose. I'm always on the prowl for feedback. If my work sucks (I don't think so!) tell me why it sucks. I'd like to improve.

Um... new comers. This blog is just about my life and things like that. I've had this blog since last year, I've only began updating it again in the past few weeks. It's mostly about what goes on in my head (plenty, trust me) and other life events (summer, etc). I'd really like to know what others think of my work.

Just as a warning, my works may not be in chronological order. In that case, you should always refer to when I wrote that particular story. Always in "curly-cue" brackets {} and written day/month/year. Like this -> {30/6/09}. Stories before 21 June are not posted on this blog.

All work on the blog is original work done by me, Aden Recreated and cannot be used without my consent. Thanks.

More information will be on the way. Meanwhile, make sure you follow thewavesonarollercoaster for your poetry and story needs!

29 June 2009

So last night was just... freaky. Nothing happened except me feeling this energy around me for a little while. I don't know where it's coming from, but I swear it was there. It was there.

And on top of that, I was anxious and it showed when I was talking to a friend of mine. I told him about the energy and the voices (because I was hearing voices on top of it all but they went away for a little while.). I didn't know what was going on so I began looking up psychic abilities and things like that, psychic energy. I didn't find anything, unfortunately. Nothing made sense to me and as a result I was almost constantly (or so it felt) updating my Twitter with how I was feeling and in the end I took a Thorazine and fell asleep. Nothing made sense at all last night.

27-6-09

Okay. Anyone who has been following me on Twitter or is a friend of mine on Skype knows that I've been a little out of sorts lately. These surges of energy are not from any drugs that I take, they're just there you know? Very annoying. They're particularly strong when I listen to Linkin Park's "Numb" (a sign that I should stop listening to that song? Perhaps.). 

I've been told (by the voices in my head) that I'm a telekinetic. Do I know if they're right? No, because I've never tried. Why? Because I'm terrified of the power that they have. They have a lot of power and I'm afraid to see if, for once, they are telling the truth they'll be ready to take EVERYTHING from me. If they take everything from me, then I'm doomed because I will not remember much of anything ever again.

It's an unpleasant feeling to have voices in your head constantly telling you what to do & how to do it & when to do it. I'm liable to fall into the trap that tells me if I use red ink they'll go away, if I do this at a certain time I won't have nightmares. Nightmares are my punishment for when I don't do as they say. I believe that they nearly killed me. They said they would be able to do it too, when they're ready to dispose of me, but I don't tell my parents that for fear that I will be sent to a hospital right before I start work (more on that later). Or just in general. I have to register for classes and take the placement test at my community college. Stuff like that. And I just can't can't can't have them interfering. If they kill me, then what do I do?

Moving on.

If you follow me on Twitter or a friend of mine on Skype, then you know I got a job. Training starts on 2 July. I have to re-arrange some things but I can get it done. I know I can.

Questions or concerns? You most likely have my information. If not, then you can always just comment. Thanks for reading.

3 June 2009

I know I haven't posted here in quite some time. I've lost the blogging feeling these days. But I'm kinda back but I have to go in a little bit. I have an Art Class and finals to worry about.

To be honest with you, I feel kinda anxious right now. I nearly lost it in English today because I guess I had been tugging on my pen and my friend Chris was like "What are you doing?" so I stopped and looked around and looked back and Chris who basically had a look that said "Are you alright?" I told him about the Voices and what they do to me. "They take stuff away from me," I said. "What do they take away from you?," he asked. "Memories," I replied. I wish that I had gotten more out but I really was scared and did not know what to do next. I also just found some stuff out about his girlfriend that I won't mention here.

I haven't taken any medication since...yesterday or the day before, but I think it was the day before. I don't remember. I have a hard time remembering stuff sometimes. It's tricky for me. Easy words sometimes suddenly become a challenge when I'm reading aloud. Like I was reading a friend's message aloud to myself earlier today and I got stuck for about a minute on the word "frequent". I feel a little lost, a little out of it, so I'm going to see if I can get ahold of a friend who can get me into gear a little later...see if the feeling doesn't pass before I waste my energy on the one phone call. I don't want that. I just don't.

If you're new in reading this blog, you should be well aware that I might post things frequently about whatever is happening in my head pertaining to voices or about summer and graduation, both of which are quickly approaching. But I find I post mostly about the Voices in my head and what goes on surrounding that. And anxiety as well. I've been told that I have anxiety disorder with compulsions. Or something similar to that. I do not remember the exact wording. I also have depressive episodes. I just recently got over a depressive episode. Am I boring you? If so, please stop reading.

But yea. That aside I'm a cool person to get to get to know. Just as long as you don't go into the realm of the overly personal, I'll answer just about anything you have to ask. Sound good?

Okay. I'll keep you posted, however long that may be.

Update--14 January 2009

I hope everyone reading this had an awesome holiday! I'm pretty sure it SUCKED going back to work and school didn't it?

Anyways, I'm...probably not doing all that well. I nearly freaked out in English class today and my friend Chris had to help me out. I'm losing my memory, I'm a nervous wreck. I just want for tomorrow to be better so I can stop worrying my friends.

Happy 2009!

--Aden