I was listening to the Acoustic version of Flyleaf's "Cassie" and following verse stood out to me:

"They didn't love their lives so much

As to shrink from death

Inspired by their footsteps

We will march ahead

Don't be shocked that people die

Be surprised you're still alive"

I wrote this journal entry at alljournal.com and one related to it. I want them to make you think, so I want you to read through them and just maybe create a response to them. You don't have to if you don't want to, but I'd like it if you did do so... :)

Other than that, things are alright. Christmas was alright and so was Thanksgiving. :)

English Assignment Overdue (this post WILL be deleted)

Describe a person or event that has influenced your life in a significant way and how you have grown as a result of this experience.

The person who has influenced me the most is my father. I think that he can be judgmental at times, but I think his judgment have matured me. His judgmental attitude has matured me, because even though I can still be rash, I think my way of thinking has changed. His way of thinking has influenced me because I'm now more inclined to think things through and look at things a bit more differently.

It all started when I met one of my friends on a poetry website, and told me his religious views of LeVeyan Satanism and Wicca. My dad is a Christian, so this didn't sit well with him. In fact, he banned me from the computer because he thought that my friend would try to "corrupt" my way of thinking but, at sixteen, my mind wasn't focused on being the Miss Goody Two Shoes I had been all my life. My mind was focused on on e thing--getting my friend to understand the damage I had done by letting it slip to my father that he was a Satanist. I tried explaining it to both my parents, actually, but they did not listen to me. They stuck with their narrow-minded views. The music he likes is everything that sounds good, but mostly metal and my family likes R&B and Hip-hop; my dad likes Christian music. I like the music that my friend likes. My friend's views on life are the opposite of what my family's views on life are just in general.

My father castigated him, blamed him for my changes. I attended church and Bible Study less and less, spent more time on the computer, enjoying the music my friend sent me. Metaphorically speaking, my dad burned him at the stake for his beliefs and that wasn't fair.

It took my dad time to come around and let me back on the computer. I did not use the computer for thirteen days so my friend and I call that the Thirteen Days of Exile. My dad stopped blaming him for the things I did wrong, like listen to the music my friend sent. We, my father and I, never got along well to begin with, so in my opinion, that made things worse. But thanks to him and my friend, I don't think my thinking will be the same and that's what I'll need to succeed.

"Now I'm scared and I'm afraid

Of the roles that I have played

Of vows I broke and vows I made

It's time to end, to end this masquerade"

--L'Âme Immortelle

"Masquerade"

The song can be found by clicking this link and just listening to it. It's a really good song. I think it's about breaking your own bindings...you don't need a mask to be who you are. I mean, I could dissect this verse by verse but that would take too much time. Perhaps another day.

As for thanksgiving...it went well. Now let's see about Christmas...

Update for 8 November 2008

Just dropping in to let people know I'm still alive..just SWARMED with work and trying to keep everything in tact.

More to come..maybe.

Well...

It's almost Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas time, and that means I get really down during those three holidays and that'll get me all the way up to my eighteenth birthday (6/February). Let's see....on Halloween I can be found crying because it's almost Thanksgiving and because a person I thought I love couldn't trust me enough to tell me that there was a rumour going around that I had been kissing him in the boys' locker room. (I wouldn't mind taking a peek in there, but stilll). Between Thanksgiving and Christmas I'll start crying because it's Thanksgiving and nearly Christmas and I get really down on myself...probably because around that time I wanted to die. I mean, I wrote my will and everything. But moving on....and once Christmas hits town I'm done for until my birthday, as I said.

But yea....I'm doing well in my classes and I know I got a decent grade on my German test so I'm all yes! :)

Now on Tuesday I just have to play catch up in my classes. If the pep-rallies didn't bore the bejesus out of me I'd've went to school that day...seriously!

How are you?

Update for 3 October 2008

I keep forgetting to tell you that i got back my Journal and Story notebook on Thursday last. :) I haven't been writing in it much due to school work, but I'm trying to keep up as much as I can.

I fell asleep in the middle of my American Law homework and woke up at 12:08 am this morning...and woke up at 6:30 am this morning. So I didn't get much sleep. I didn't finish my Geometry test or my English homework for that matter, you know?

Being on Medication is hard. :(

You Know What's Über-Annoying?

Is when I talk to a friend of mine and no matter how long I wait he seldom ever responds. I mean we [somehow] got a conversation rolling on Saturday but now...are we really meant to be friends. I wonder about the same thing with my other friend on Facebook...but with him it's like so long as he's logging in and doing something be it join a group, add a friend, etc then I'm pretty okay. But with this other friend....I've known him for what feels like the longest time and just recently we don't talk and fiddle around with the smilies as much as we used to, you know? I've known both of these people for the longest time and neither one of them are talking to me for reasons I don't understand and it's making me feel like I've done something wrong with both of them. I'd like to know what it is but I am afraid to ask them for fear that they might be mad at me...or more so if they're already mad. What have I done? One friend I just talk to and the other I sent a quote that he seemed to take well in my opinion. So...I don't know what the problem is. I wish I knew so I can rectify this mess....if it really is a mess. And if it's not a mess and it's a case of them not wanting to be my friend anymore, then I'll be devastated because I miss them both like crazy...have for quite some time. But I think I know why one of them is not talking to me and I hope it's not because that one of my friends has a girlfriend that he talks to, I'm betting, on a daily basis. I wish he talked to me like he talks to her. :(

Other than that, there's nothing big going on, minus my medication.