12 March 2008

A "Just because" [My sister is destroying my ears at the moment so there's no song for you today.]

Wanna know what gets annoying?

Other people putting words in your mouth---a very annoying thing indeed.

Fine, this is just an update. I have nothing "great" or "amazing" for you or anything like that...I'm just here.

I'll definitely be around to edit this, the music is killing me.

Music is very best friend....people [for the most part] aren't because you are easily let down that way.

--Aden

02 March 2008

[Soilwork/"Soilworker's Song of the Damned"]

I was actually going to post something earlier this morning, but changed my mind. I should be working on my Pool and English Papers, due Monday and Tuesday, right now. :)

You know how people are always asking if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, and then try to hook you up with someone who isn't your type and they & you both know this?

Well, this happened to me. And I don't like it, for the most part, when people try to hook me up. So I said I had someone. And that was blown out of fucking proportion. So I got on them....it's not their concern as to whether or not I have someone who's keeping me happy. And if not, that's more of a cause for them to hook me up with Denzel, a boy who every girl (who *might* hate me with a passion) likes trying to pair me up with. That's just fucking annoying.

It's like a game of Connect Four and the black player has three in a row and no matter where red goes he's in a fucked position. Say yes and these girls try to put you with someone. Say no and the same thing happens. Drop the red piece to the right, black drops to the left, and the game is won. Drop that red to the left, black to the right, and the game is still won.

So yea, I jumped down a few bitches throats and that might have cost me my job (which is NOT guaranteed because there are eight spots at the camp. I might not even work at the camp, and if that's the case that's even better because the girls in particular are working there (maybe. There are eight spots to be filled.). Maybe I will work at the family preservation center, better known as the FPC. And that's still fine because I love that place because the people are so friendly and everything. I loved what I did the last time I worked there, but hated the cost (one bus ride to and from where I lived with a bunch of kids. Some of them were really nice and did what they were told; others I had to wrestle in the seats just to get their seatbelts on. And afternoons were worse, so after this summer I'm basically done, I'm cutting my time short.). And I'm going to hate the cost this summer I'm thinking, but love what I'm doing. And if I'm working at the camp, well....I'll be breaking more than working and Christian Marchetti will be firing me for not doing my work. I mean, the work is easy at the camp, but you have to have extreme patience for it. I'm patient, but that patience runs away fast underneath a place you got the living shit kicked out of you (figuratively speaking) and lack of air-conditioning in most of the place (save for the art room below).

But anyways, reverting to my original point. Seriously, it's just better to keep your mouth shut (and if you do say you have a boyfriend, don't ever mention sex because then people will think you're a slut or what have you when you really might not be.) So....for your safety and reputation, don't mention that bit, no matter how true it is and will make every girl green with envy. You could, but you might get heartache that way.

I don't live for that kind of thing and if people tell Christian they can go right ahead, but I'll be damned if they twist the story up. He knows what I do, and how I do it. I don't normally jump down other people's throats (although I will admit on Tuesday I will be the AntiChrist, jumping down everyone's throats because I'll be too fried to communicate with anyone. So, if you know me, then expect that for a few days before my finals in June, which seems extremely close. :) That's just the person I am. Granted, I didn't get all bitchy last year, and I don't know why. Freshman year finals came and I was the fucking AntiChrist. I was mean, and I lost my patience a lot. I still remember the time it was me, my brother & sister; a soon to be camp counselor who, for privacy's sake, will not be named; and Christian (tis one of those things I can't understand.....) & we're on our way home, like right down my alleyway, and someone says something and because I'm studying for my impending Modern World Civilizations Final, I was mean. Something we all get over. 

And going back still, I don't normally outburst like that unless you're asking me a really stupid question.....right after I said that I didn't know.

I ask if there was an intermission in this play I was going to see, and Chris is like was there one last year (it was at McCarter Theatre, every year they do A Christmas Carol and, for one reason or another, I did not see the 2006 production (or the year before that for that matter), so I asked if there was an intermission, and he asks me like I know. It's like...."I'm asking you because I don't know. If I knew I would not have asked." So fine, that was a shit example, but I don't exactly care about shit examples at the moment. Like...that was just stupid, you know? Completely stupid. I don't know.

Now I'm just going to close this by saying the following:

Keep your nose out of my private life. It's not yours to follow unless I give permission. And even then you better keep your mouth shut.

Ignorance is not bliss......no matter what people say. Going through live oblivious, no matter how neat it sounds, is not worth it in the long run. It just isn't. How can you go through life oblivious is beyond me.

You're no better than me, and I'm no better than you. Anyone I know who thinks like that should expect a crucifixion. We all bleed red, we all breathe the same air, don't we? You're not up on pretty fucking pedestal, because I'll be the one that brings you down and leave you for dead.

29 February 2008

[Draconian/"The Amaranth"] (II)*

*-It's number two on mibba.com

I wrote this yesterday, 28 February 2008

There he is again, that man in a black suit
He continues waiting forever for me, watching me
Stumble and fall--always picking me up from Hell's clutches
He smiled at me, called me Sabrina
When my name is Aden
He walked with me, talked with me
And told me things I don't remember
And even if I did I would not tell you
It's personal, between him and I
Those blue-green-grey eyes stare
Piercing my soul
My knees go weak and my mind goes blank
I let you look, I let you in with your eyes
Search me, Love, and tell me what you see
What you find, search me

Open me up, I'm your book
Read me as we walk down the narrow road
Away from the Light, the pretty things
Towards the Aurora Borealis, towards the inky black sky
Towards fate, towards love, towards my real end
I can only imagine, only wonder what I will see

You finish reading and you embrace me tightly
I smell your smell and I slip...just a bit...in your arms
Holding onto me still, steadfast. And I waited, patiently
He read my mind and said
"You're already there, Love. This is it."
Like the gentleman he is, he kissed my hand
And in a flash was gone

I look up at the Alabaster sky
And contemplated--

28 February 2008

[L'Ame Immortelle/"Will you?"

I wrote this today in SI.

We crashed, hitting the world
Destroying ourselves
She was at the height of her prime
So was he
He came out there in the morning
And called me "Kristen"
He smiled a manic smile
And on wheels we flew
Passing the world, a multicolored wonder

He looked at me
And we Crashed into the multicolored Wonder
Destroying ourselves


[L'Ame Immortelle/"Ich gab Dir alles"]

This is something I wrote yesterday, 27 February 2008 in English class.


I see him nearby, a blue-green-gray eyed man
A black suit, he waited forever
He watched me fall, and was always picking me up
His smile sad, his eyes understanding
"Are you fine, Aden?" he extends a hand--Pale, but warm in my grasp
I stand, unable to pull away from his grasp
And follow his lead


I wrote a lengthier poem similar to this in my study hall, and I like the longer, myself.


25 February 2008

[L'Ame Immortelle/"In the Heart of Europe (zK remix)"]

***Disclaimer:You've come across my opinions. You might not like them & you are more than welcome to leave and find a blog that's not so....against you. That's fine. Just don't try to convert me in any way, shape or form and we'll be okay***

"Here in the heart of Europe
No one stands up proud no more
Here in the heart of Europe
Our culture is a dying whore"

--L'Ame Immortelle
"In the Heart of Europe"

That's my inspiration this early Tuesday morning when I should be in bed. That, and a friend's blog. And that's simply because I get brain-waves. You might see something about Emily Dickinson on here next (we're studying her in English at the moment, but I really like her work. She's good.)

"Everybody's just consuming
What the media's dictating
But they all have just forgot
The joy that there is to creating."

--L'Ame Immortelle
"In the Heart of Europe"

But seriously, when it comes to stereotypes and what not, I'm thinking that we really do take the media too literally. It's insane. It feels like...no one is making their own opinions anymore. Sure, the TV, full of stuff that's bound to vitiate you (I don't think I used that correctly but I'll push on anyhow.), can be a help to open your mind--especially the Discovery Channel's A Haunting. Now that's something to watch. It's scary, but it's just interesting too, especially when you get even curiouser about it to the point where you're just all....."I've got to read more about it." That's perhaps how things might have been before all this miscellaneous stuff happened. Maybe, and I truly think so. 

As the song (rightfully? That's your opinion) says, we just consume what the media's giving us, usually without second thought...without a "maybe..." to come after it. We want the cat good, dead and slaughtered. (You know, "curiosity kills the cat...") There isn't enough curiosity, and as a result, we're just not there anymore. Just shootings and killings and video games...hell, this life is a video game it seems when you look at it from another point of view...if you look at God playing with a constantly refreshed original PlayStation....okay, an XBox and he's controlling all of us using that damned joystick, deciding whether or not he wants to let so many of us die with only one life, bring people into the world screaming and crying, bring them into the world as stillborns, or maybe have a car accident happen. Hm...? Or maybe give someone 3 lives and they don't know that they are on their last one. That's friendly.

It seems like we're dying, we're being slaughtered because we are slaughtering ourselves. When I used to go to church, someone told me that America was "broken", that evangelists were coming to America to fix us. I don't think that's going to work. I'm not saying it won't, I'm just saying that I don't think so. I believe in possibilities, not grandeur so much I don't think, not anymore. 

Things seem more or less real...probably less. The world is just....open for slaughter, I suppose with the way we're going what with 9/11, Virginia Tech and what just happened up at North Illinois University, to name a few "shocking" moments. There're more, but I'm trying to stay recent.

Newer music in the Pop genre of things doesn't help either. I don't think we need anymore people for music if they can not do it well. That's just it. Seriously, almost everyone I know knows "Girlfriend", the most annoying song in the history of the music that I've heard and either liked/disliked. That, or "Soulja Boy"....I won't tolerate that song. I'll walk out if I hear it. That means, yes, if some asshole played that horror and I can hear it, I will simply walk out and wait for it to leave. Or ask if I can pull out my iPod. Which I should.

But moving along....now this is becoming a rant. If you want you can always read another blog if you even made it THIS far down the line. Or you can continue reading, trying to make my thoughts make sense. If they don't, leave me a comment, and we'll see if after an explanation it will make more or less sense to you.

We've got to better defend our minds from just processing without thinking. There's got to be some thought along the way.....shouldn't it?

***I might come back to edit this.***


19 February 2008

[Vesania/"Posthuman Kind"]

Otherwise known [the post...not the song, people!] as lack of understanding. I say it so many times it's not enough, but one of my friends has it and it feels like the fucking plague. But, I can't change that, really, can I?

So anyways, I'm in his car [as friends, nothing more, nothing less...he's been doing me favors] telling him about how all of my teachers went essay happy [In preparation for the HSPA], and I couldn't write an essay today for shit....so I told him about how for one of the essays I wanted to write a story & he, being the fucker he can be [no wonder I want to one day crucify him on an inverted cross and leave him as a sacrifice to the first hungry animal who finds him], says that that's an "excuse". Well, if that's so, screw excuses and screw you!

I don't go around making excuses all willy-nilly on a daily basis. I'm not like that--but I'm willing to make a compromise with you. Like "I really can't do this....but I'll do this." This person, this ass, says that that's an excuse for not doing it the right way. Playing on what I've got [anyone I know who's reading this knows what I mean by "what I've got"...and we're NOT talking sex, buddy! Mental shit!] That's annoying when that's out of my control. Can't control what I can't control. Let HIM walk around in my shoes for a day or so....and let him live my life. I'd bet almost anything that he was spoiled...but I won't get into that. I don't feel like it and will make this longer than it is already.

But, in all seriousness though...I wasn't asking for an excuse. Sure, my teachers let me get away with murder--not literally, though,otherwise my thoughts would be a bit sicker, I think--they let me do what I want...and if the ass is thinking something different, perhaps he should get the axe....until he bleeds. But, no, I don't make excuses. They are at liberty to say no--they just don't.

So, are you going to hang me on the inverted cross I speak of, just because my teachers deny me basically nothing. I know what to do, I just don't like the way it's done and have another apporoach as to how it can be done. I know what's an excuse and I know what's not. You don't have my morals and you're surely not living in my head, dude. And trust me, if you were, you couldn't stand the sounds that thrive there. [Thankees, love!] Don't change me, don't even try it. I'm fine just as I am at the moment. I don't want conversion and I sure as fuck don't want ignorant cunts living in MY head, taking MY thoughts. No, that won't happen and if it does I'll give you a damn good reason not to come back. 

I can be mean, but I can be über-sweet...and for right now...you want my über-sweet side because I can be mean and cruel just like the next person---except I don't, again, brag like a self-righteous ass about what I can do and where I'm from. LIke I tell many people [paraphrased] "Show me what you can do, don't tell me!" Of course, when it comes to fighting I'll fight you until someone either pulls me up off of you, we give up, or we die, slain by the other. 

I had this one fucker, Lyndell. I almost fought him because I told him I thought of something he did as being hypocritical [something with the fucking window in our classroom....], so he starts telling me that he's from fucking Calhoun Street in fucking Trenton, NJ [you can slaughter him if you want....]. All he did is tell me what he can do....never showed me. I hate that because if you've got the balls to talk, you've got to have the bigger balls to fight me and be destroyed [or not]. Of course, everyone has it coming...but I think the ignorant especially because that's my belief and if you crucify that and find that you're Satan's sex slave don't say anything....I'm just Aden, I'll always be Aden....and I'm fucked up. I know it, you know it, and we all fucking deal with it.

So...what have we learned? 

We've learned that I don't come up with excuses, I come up with alternatives, compromises.
I can't stand people who talk and don't fight.....physically, that is. That means your balls aren't as big as you say they are. You might want to fix that.

We've also learned that I don't take your crucifixions, you take mine.