Poem for 5-8-08

Things seem to have gotten worse
I'm afraid to step out of my house
I'm afraid to sleep and dream
So I stay in and stay up, slowly consumed by fear
A fear of being kidnapped
A fear of being raped
A fear of being shot

I think that people--ordinary people--are out to hurt me
And I get scared and play fucked up scenarios in my head
Scenarios that will eventually leave me chained to my apartment

And things don't get better at night, either
At night I'm trying to avoid nightmares
Wanting dreamless sleep
Craving it like Vanilla ice cream
Wanting it like money
Wanting a dreamless sleep

So, you see, things have gotten worse
I'm afraid to sleep, and I'm afraid to leave my house
It's just one big mess