23-8-08 [Update]

My memory's coming back with my friend's (David's) help. My fire alarm went off this morning and it bugged me out. And last night wasn't good either because I nearly broke down in front of my soon-to-be boyfriend (we're waiting until I'm 18). The voices/noises in my head are really starting to get to me. I don't want to go back to the hospital. No no no! I mean, the last hospital I was in was okay..but i don't want to go back anyways. People were nice, but I don't want to go back to the hospital. If my therapist saw that she'd want to send me to the hospital in a jiffy and most likely without my consent because I would be in a state of turmoil and couldn't speak proper English, if I could speak at all. I remember the first time I was being sent to the hospital. My mom and dad had a fight in front of me and I couldn't deal so I hid underneath my blanket. I couldn't get my thoughts across, really. And it was frightening for me. because I had never done this before. I'd been in an ambulance once when I was 8 because of a bus driver closed the door on my arm (Honest to goodness I did not feel that.), but I somewhat remember that. I remember this recent occurrence very well, thankees much.

But...I'm afraid now that it will happen again. I had dreams of being in the hospital--is this a sign that I have to go back? I just might go back anyways because I don't want to put my soon-to-be boyfriend through this madness. He wouldn't understand, and I won't tell you why he won't understand here.