04 May 2008

What....what's happened?

I don't get it, last night I'm crawling up and down my walls, freaking out. I can kinda remember that, but nothing else when you stop & think about it. Like...what happened? Why did it happen?

That's all I think about these days...what's happened? I was surprised to see my phone when I hung up it said 1hour, 6minutes and 20seconds pretty much around 12am this morning. I had freaked out for the better part of thirty minutes. I don't understand it....it's weird, it's strange, it's never happened that bad before....and it's driving me up the wall because something's wrong with me and I don't know what.

Anxiety that bad.....never had it that bad before. Ever, in the past three years, unless you count the very first one, which was two hours long, but involving less hysteria. Just shredding paper. I don't do that now....not so much. It's frightening, I scared people--hell, I scare people as it is....this has never happened before. It's like I'm not even here anymore because I don't remember anything really. I'm disoriented. Whatever's happened in the past roughly 12hours I don't remember. I just have to listen to music to keep me sane otherwise I think it will be worse than that....

What's happened?

1 comment:

Admin said...

hi there. i've been reading through some of your posts and it sounds like you're majorly dissociating. that can happen with various psychological disorders. i hope you're doing better, and i think you're amazing for posting your experiences on your blog.