What Is Going On?

Today, yesterday and Sunday I swear I was going through something. It might have been withdrawal--I'm slightly addicted to cough drops. Or whatever else, but I was just....scared. I don't feel safe within me, I feel like I am losing my mind or something--I'm serious! This isn't normal, and I'm always cold and shaking now. It's only a matter of time until someone notices and decides that I should not be a part of society...

What....what's happened? [Update]

http://www.postpoems.com/members/fallen_warrior

You are strongly encouraged to click that link and read the poems in the folder entitled "Violations"

I'm sitting here in the middle of being extremely lost. It's like a puzzle, and I've only half the pieces. If I go to school I will surely die of extreme anxiety that is impossible to tell anyone about because it can be misseen--I will not post that here.

But, seriously, I spent a lot of time on Wikipedia looking up hysteria, anxiety and amnesia--because I remember that happened. I was hysterical beyond belief, and I don't understand why. Nothing on wikipedia matches the symptoms I've said. The only thing that might make sense was I believe Lacunar amnesia, loss of memory on one specific event--and looking back on that not even it makes sense because I don't have any recollection about anything really. About anything. I'm literally trying to reconstruct myself, and I don't find it to be easy. It's like...nothing makes sense, I don't remember almost anything. I barely remember who I am.

I'm very lucky all my passwords are the same...I just hope I remember the combination to my locker...

If you're reading this and you know me, you have anything to jog my memory, please just call or leave a comment and we will see what happens...if you think you know why this is happening, just leave me a comment on that too. Anything helps now.

This shouldn't be happening if I'm telling a friend a story. Sure, I've got nervousness about that, but never to the point where I'm losing my mind over it...that's un-Aden like, I think.

Back in Class....What's New?

Well, Friday I was back in school. It was kinda easy, but the shock I caused! I caused shock in Child Study (if you know me, or even just in general you know what this is) when I went for my meeting on Thursday--I had to attend that, I'm like 98% sure that it's law. I went, and my Case Manager was like "What happened?" and everything. So I told her. She was shocked. My English teacher, when I came in on Friday, was shocked. She looked horrified, actually. So much for the extension on the English essay, huh?

People--all the really immature ones, anyways--asked me about the fight and did I win. I don't give two shits about whether or not I won. Why is that so important these days? Chris R was ready to slaughter Lyndell though. I told him because I hadn't been in English for three days straight--and Chris R is one of those people who know me really well. So I told him. He didn't care whether or not I won--he wanted to serve justice.

All in all, it felt weird. Know what's weirder? Being in school, on school grounds, while you are suspended. That felt the weirdest....

What....what's happened?

I don't get it, last night I'm crawling up and down my walls, freaking out. I can kinda remember that, but nothing else when you stop & think about it. Like...what happened? Why did it happen?

That's all I think about these days...what's happened? I was surprised to see my phone when I hung up it said 1hour, 6minutes and 20seconds pretty much around 12am this morning. I had freaked out for the better part of thirty minutes. I don't understand it....it's weird, it's strange, it's never happened that bad before....and it's driving me up the wall because something's wrong with me and I don't know what.

Anxiety that bad.....never had it that bad before. Ever, in the past three years, unless you count the very first one, which was two hours long, but involving less hysteria. Just shredding paper. I don't do that now....not so much. It's frightening, I scared people--hell, I scare people as it is....this has never happened before. It's like I'm not even here anymore because I don't remember anything really. I'm disoriented. Whatever's happened in the past roughly 12hours I don't remember. I just have to listen to music to keep me sane otherwise I think it will be worse than that....

What's happened?

"The Masque of the Red Death"

"The Masque of the Red Death" by Edgar Allan Poe is a short story that takes place during the Middle Ages when the Bubonic Plague hits, leaving many people dead. The main character, Prince Prospero, decides to abandon his people, save for one thousand, and holds himself and the one thousand lucky in his abbey to try to "escape" Death. Symbolism is crucial to the theme of this story.

Seven pops up once in the story. The abbey that Prospero and the one thousand are staying in has seven rooms, all different colors--blue, purple, green, orange, white, violet and black. These could be all the stages that a person might go through in life before they die, with the ebony clock perhaps being Death's summoning. The clock and the "monotonous" sound it emits at every hour symbolizes how quickly life is passing and that we shouldn't take advantage of it--or try to escape it. These people knew that, and, as a result, they paused when ever the clock struck, however long it struck for. Poe even says himself when he is describing how everyone stops their "evolutions" just to "hearken the sound" and wonder....is this the last day that I am here?

When Death finally comes, he sees Prince Prospero and moves away, going towards the black room. Prospero, furious now at this....person who dares to disrupt the masquerade, chases after him to unmask him and hang him at sunrise. He chases him all the way to the black room, and Death ended up using his own weapon on Prospero, who is prostrate on the floor, dead. The masqueraders, coming to their senses more or less, rush towards Death...and they die. The blue room could symbolize the beginning of life, and black could symbolize it's end. The colors in the middle are just...the colors in the middle, the other stages that a person goes through before they die and are buried.

Day Three/iPod Update

Alright...suspension update first. 

Today's the last day before I go in for a full day tomorrow and do work and take my Science test (can we spell 'blegh"?) and what not. Everyone's surprised that I got suspended. Like...what the fuck? Aden got suspended? 

I would not be surprised if everything was burning to smithereens in P4 if that were the case. :)

We'll see what happens tomorrow in SI...because I won't fight the cunt anymore unless I have to--like he fucks with my brother. Then it's war, and I don't care if no college will take me then.

In other news....

I FOUND MY IPOD! HELL YES!