[L'Ame Immortelle/"Calling"] II

I also wrote this in SI

"Can you hear (can you hear) me calling?
(Are you listening to me?)
Can you see (can you see) me falling?"

Perfect blue tears fall from bright green eyes
He'll meet his doom, leaving her like that
Her world shattered, the rain pelting her as she walked
Vengeance

I loved you, why can't you return the favor?
I saw you a long time ago, and i loved you then
I still do. I still do.

Section in quotes is "Calling" by L'Ame Immortelle.

[L'Ame Immortelle/"Calling"]

This is a poem I wrote in SI today.

"Can you hear me calling
Are you listening to me
Can you see me falling
Or are you too blind to see?"

I want you to find me
Or i just want you to try
There is everything, falling apart
I don't want to do this--I can't move, feeling like lead

There's no way you can see me
There no way you know or hear
I tried, I waited
I called, I failed
And I died. Their Christ.

[L'Ame Immortelle/"Stumme Schreie"]

"Sag mir: kannst du mich verstehen?"

[According to this link here: http://dictionary.reference.com/translate/index.html , the above means--"Say to me: can you understand me?" I prefer to use it as "Tell me: can [or do] you understand?", but oh well....]

Anyways, that line {From "Stumme Schreie" by L'Ame Immortelle.] is my inspiration for tonight's blog (even if I should be on my way to sleep....).

You know how you tell people something....and then tell them not to tell anyone or you'll slit their throat or whatever your death choice is?....and then they blab anyways and then there's a whole big bang of commotion and yada, yada, yada.

But before they betray your strict confidence, they ask "Why can't I tell?" and it's like.... "It's my business. I'm just telling you. Just because I told you doesn't mean you can go and tell anyone else." And they want something more complex. A simple "This is the way it is...now do me a fucking favor and deal with it" suffices for me. Not most people though. It's like....here's something person A knows....if I tell person A not to tell....person A should keep her mouth shut and if she tells person B then A will get crucified. It's that simple.

So....do we understand. Good. Because....

...people need to stop being supercilious. It's annoying.

[Ceza f/Sagopa Kajmer/"Neyim Var Ki"]

I'll bet that this a bit off for you. Try the songs on my playlist because I think you'll like them.

In the meantime, I guess you could read this. I take that back...you can read this.

Things are fine, they're okay

I'm just living

I live in rainbow colored lies

I don't know the full difference between reality and fiction

People and chaos are never good

Walking in the hallways and everyone screams over top

Distorting me greatly, never fully understanding

I want them to be mute

[Evanescence/"Everybody's Fool"]

You know those light up pacifiers people have lately?

I've never understood why in the world people would want them. Seriously, the only time I want to see someone with a pacifier in their mouth is when they're babies. At around my age [because that's the only age group I've seen with them.], it's like sucking your thumb. [I know someone who is almost twenty and still sucks their thumb. Disgusting.] You're not supposed to do it. Light up pacifiers are just not cool in the slightest and should be outlawed. But, because I'm in the minority with that, I suppose they'll be here for a bit longer...

A "Just because" [My sister is destroying my ears at the moment so there's no song for you today.]

Wanna know what gets annoying?

Other people putting words in your mouth---a very annoying thing indeed.

Fine, this is just an update. I have nothing "great" or "amazing" for you or anything like that...I'm just here.

I'll definitely be around to edit this, the music is killing me.

Music is very best friend....people [for the most part] aren't because you are easily let down that way.

--Aden

[Soilwork/"Soilworker's Song of the Damned"]

I was actually going to post something earlier this morning, but changed my mind. I should be working on my Pool and English Papers, due Monday and Tuesday, right now. :)

You know how people are always asking if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, and then try to hook you up with someone who isn't your type and they & you both know this?

Well, this happened to me. And I don't like it, for the most part, when people try to hook me up. So I said I had someone. And that was blown out of fucking proportion. So I got on them....it's not their concern as to whether or not I have someone who's keeping me happy. And if not, that's more of a cause for them to hook me up with Denzel, a boy who every girl (who *might* hate me with a passion) likes trying to pair me up with. That's just fucking annoying.

It's like a game of Connect Four and the black player has three in a row and no matter where red goes he's in a fucked position. Say yes and these girls try to put you with someone. Say no and the same thing happens. Drop the red piece to the right, black drops to the left, and the game is won. Drop that red to the left, black to the right, and the game is still won.

So yea, I jumped down a few bitches throats and that might have cost me my job (which is NOT guaranteed because there are eight spots at the camp. I might not even work at the camp, and if that's the case that's even better because the girls in particular are working there (maybe. There are eight spots to be filled.). Maybe I will work at the family preservation center, better known as the FPC. And that's still fine because I love that place because the people are so friendly and everything. I loved what I did the last time I worked there, but hated the cost (one bus ride to and from where I lived with a bunch of kids. Some of them were really nice and did what they were told; others I had to wrestle in the seats just to get their seatbelts on. And afternoons were worse, so after this summer I'm basically done, I'm cutting my time short.). And I'm going to hate the cost this summer I'm thinking, but love what I'm doing. And if I'm working at the camp, well....I'll be breaking more than working and Christian Marchetti will be firing me for not doing my work. I mean, the work is easy at the camp, but you have to have extreme patience for it. I'm patient, but that patience runs away fast underneath a place you got the living shit kicked out of you (figuratively speaking) and lack of air-conditioning in most of the place (save for the art room below).

But anyways, reverting to my original point. Seriously, it's just better to keep your mouth shut (and if you do say you have a boyfriend, don't ever mention sex because then people will think you're a slut or what have you when you really might not be.) So....for your safety and reputation, don't mention that bit, no matter how true it is and will make every girl green with envy. You could, but you might get heartache that way.

I don't live for that kind of thing and if people tell Christian they can go right ahead, but I'll be damned if they twist the story up. He knows what I do, and how I do it. I don't normally jump down other people's throats (although I will admit on Tuesday I will be the AntiChrist, jumping down everyone's throats because I'll be too fried to communicate with anyone. So, if you know me, then expect that for a few days before my finals in June, which seems extremely close. :) That's just the person I am. Granted, I didn't get all bitchy last year, and I don't know why. Freshman year finals came and I was the fucking AntiChrist. I was mean, and I lost my patience a lot. I still remember the time it was me, my brother & sister; a soon to be camp counselor who, for privacy's sake, will not be named; and Christian (tis one of those things I can't understand.....) & we're on our way home, like right down my alleyway, and someone says something and because I'm studying for my impending Modern World Civilizations Final, I was mean. Something we all get over. 

And going back still, I don't normally outburst like that unless you're asking me a really stupid question.....right after I said that I didn't know.

I ask if there was an intermission in this play I was going to see, and Chris is like was there one last year (it was at McCarter Theatre, every year they do A Christmas Carol and, for one reason or another, I did not see the 2006 production (or the year before that for that matter), so I asked if there was an intermission, and he asks me like I know. It's like...."I'm asking you because I don't know. If I knew I would not have asked." So fine, that was a shit example, but I don't exactly care about shit examples at the moment. Like...that was just stupid, you know? Completely stupid. I don't know.

Now I'm just going to close this by saying the following:

Keep your nose out of my private life. It's not yours to follow unless I give permission. And even then you better keep your mouth shut.

Ignorance is not bliss......no matter what people say. Going through live oblivious, no matter how neat it sounds, is not worth it in the long run. It just isn't. How can you go through life oblivious is beyond me.

You're no better than me, and I'm no better than you. Anyone I know who thinks like that should expect a crucifixion. We all bleed red, we all breathe the same air, don't we? You're not up on pretty fucking pedestal, because I'll be the one that brings you down and leave you for dead.